Chapter 2 - Letters

 

A/N - Text written in Bold Italics is spoken in Chinese

It was all quiet by the time Tao had left to catch up with his friends. Every couple of minutes, Tao's annoying ringtone, the chorus of 'The Fox' would replace the silence and soon fluent Mandarin would be spoken in a fast and annoyed voice. Jongin was relieved once Tao was gone because he was slowly getting a headache. The two didn't speak to each other but Jongin did find out a few things about Tao. He was a nineteen year old Chinese boy who grew up in China but has moved to Korea in order to study in SMU. He trained wushu since he was a child and has plans to open up his own school of martial arts and that Tao had two personalities. The kick ass bad one and the soft hearted, crying one. Well this was going to be one long year.

After Jongin finished unpacking, he noticed the two envelopes he'd gotten from his mother and younger half-sister. He walked over to the night stand where the two letters were lying under the paperwork that the receptionist gave him. He opened his smaller sister's letter first. There were a couple of pictures of stick men whom she labelled on every picture. There was one with the two of them with big smiles on their faces drawn up with red crayon. The two stick figures were holding hands and the little girl had put in every little detail into the drawing, although the pair ended up having extra fingers on their hands and Jongin's hair being blue. At the top there was a sentence written in sloppy writing.

It said,

Me and the best brother in the whole wide world, my Jongin-oppa

Jongin smiled at that picture and flicked through the rest of the pictures. Although they weren't Picasso master pieces, Jongin admired that his little sister spent time to make these for him. It showed him how much she loved him and how much she cared for him. He was glad that she was his younger sister and he knew that although he wasn't with her right now, he knew that he would never let her get hurt; or his mother. There was a neatly folded pink page among the picture so Jongin thought that that was the letter that the little girl was talking about. He opened the pink page and started to try and make out what the letter actually said because he knew that his sister wasn't one with nice, neat writing.

Dear Jongin-oppa

I really, really love you and I'm very lucky to have you as my big brother. I love to spend time with you and I'm really going to miss you once you leave us. I hope you will talk to us often because I'm going to miss hearing your voice. I'm really going to miss you telling me bedtime stories and kissing me goodnight. I'm going to miss your jokes and dancing skills that you always show me. I really want to be just like you when I grow up and I hope you'll always stay by my side. I hope you like my drawings and I hope you'll take care of Fuzzyboots. You are my favouritest brother in the world and I'm going to miss you this much. I love you, Jongin-oppa.

Eunjung

Jongin smiled and read the letter over and over again, smiling like an idiot each time he read it. She was such a loving small girl and it just felt wrong that he had to leave her. Then he reached for the envelope his mother gave him. He knew that she enclosed money in it because that was the kind of person she is and Jongin was right. There was a big enough bundle of money enclosed in it. Jongin felt bad for taking this money from his mother knowing that the family was going through a financial struggle. Then he took out a letter and started to read his mother's beautiful, smooth writing.

Dear My Angel,

First of all I know you’re probably mentally scolding me right now because of the money but Jongin, this was money meant for you. I've saved it up little by little each year and I know that you're thinking right now why we didn’t use it back when we were at our worst. Sangdo also put in some money for you, hoping that you'll have an amazing time in college. I can't express enough how proud I am of you. I know that I didn't give you the best childhood that you deserved and I hope you can forgive me for all the things I did wrong back then. I know that you should've gotten better and I hate myself for not giving you that.

I know I haven't told you about your father over the years but I guess that it is time you get to know a little bit about him. I met your father in college when we ended being in the same classes most the time. Your father was my first true love and I never wanted to let him go. After we graduated from college, I fell pregnant with you. We were so happy about the pregnancy because we were already planning to start a future together. A couple of weeks after we found out about the pregnancy, your father proposed to me and I of course said yes. I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world for getting such a loving guy like you father. We moved into a small apartment together that you probably remember. I was the one you grew up in as a child before we moved in with Sangdo. We used to go shopping together to buy you things nearly every day and your father always accompanied me to every one of my doctors' appointments.

I remember the day you were born, a dark skinned angel which was sent to me from God. You were such a beautiful child and I remember the smile on your father's face as he held you for the first time. Tears of joy were falling down his face as he held you. You were ours and there was nobody who could take you away from us. Your beauty stood out from every single child in the nursery. You were different, a good different. You were my special boy. Once we got home we were greeted by your grandparents and your uncles and aunts in our small apartment. They all admired your beauty and your facial features. Every night you'd end up waking us up and making us let you sleep in between us because you hated sleeping in you crib. Although I always ended up being tired, you were the best thing that happened to me.

One night your father took me out for an anniversary dinner and we decided to walk back home since it was a beautiful night with stars littering the night sky. We walked hand in hand as a van pulled up beside us and men jumped out of it. They grabbed me and your father into a dark alley way where nobody could see anything. They started to beat your father telling him what a horrible man he was. They pinned my hands behind my back, and placed a knife to my neck as they made me watch the love of my life being slowly beaten to death. I screamed begging them to stop but they just smirked at me ignoring my begging. And as I thought that it couldn't get any worse, one of them took out a gun. Your father was lying on the ground by now coughing up blood. He looked at me who was still begging them to stop this and telling them that this was a mistake and they got the wrong guy, but one of the shut me up hitting me in the jaw with the head of his pistol. I looked into your father's eyes for the last time as he mouthed an 'I love you' before one of the men shot him multiple times in his chest making sure that he didn't survive. I screamed louder and louder, cursing at them and screaming at them but they ended up leaving me in the dark alley way with your dead father at my feet. I couldn't believe that he was gone.

I reported this to the police but I knew that they weren't going to do anything about this since you could never depend on them. That night I made a promise to myself that I would never let anyone take you from me and that nobody could hurt you. I wanted to give you the best I could but if it wasn't for your uncle Hyunseung, I don't know if I could've done it. I gave you everything I could and I'm sorry if there are things that I couldn't give you. I hope you forgive me one day. I've put a photo of your father inside this envelope along with other pictures that I think you should see. I hope you forgive me for not telling you this earlier.

Anyway, I can't believe how far you've gotten in life. I'm happy that you’re so ambitious in life and that you believe in your dreams. I remember the day you told me that you liked to dance and how you would put on little shows for me and how I'd film them and watch them over and over again whenever you'd be gone for a field trip at school. You were so amazing in my eyes and you still are the most amazing thing in my eyes. I remember when I signed you up for hip-hop classes and that you said that you didn't like that dance and you said you wanted to dance like the boy in that TV program you used to watch every Saturday morning. You said that you wanted to do ballet and I was so surprised about that because I wasn't expecting that from a boy. And then you made me sign you up from gymnastics and jazz dance classes. I remember going to your practices and watching you repeat each step until you got it right. You were such a perfectionist and everything had to match each beat in the music for you.

Do you remember when you saw that movie with Jackie Chan and you loved his hair in it and decided to grow it out like him? How everyone used to think you were his doppelganger? I remember how you'd always pretend that you were this amazing martial arts artist and how you'd pose in front of the mirror with the little outfit you got from you uncle for one of your birthdays. I loved that hair of yours. I framed your face perfectly and you looked amazing with it. I remember the day you decided to cut it and how different you looked without it. You regretted it straight after you came out of the hair salon and I'd always laugh at your disappointed face and then take you out for chocolate ice cream.

You were my saviour in life and I want to thank you. Thank you for not letting me kill myself and not being alone in this big bad world. Thank you for being such a supportive and caring older brother to Eunjung and for accepting Sangdo so easily. I know it was hard for you but I know you could do it. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing time in college and I hope you take care of yourself well. I hope you make amazing friends because you know the people you meet in college are friends for like.

I'm going to miss you and I love you so much, Jongin.

Love, Your mother

Hyera

Jongin wiped a silent tear from his cheek as it slowly left the corner of hid eyes and started rolling down his cheek. His mother had gone through so much for him although she had many struggles in life. She was an amazing mother, he thought. He focused his eyes on the envelope lying beside his leg. He knew that there was a picture of a man who was his father. He knew that his mother never showed any pictures to Jongin and she hardly spoke about him because she didn't want her son seeing her upset. He knew that this was going to be hard for Jongin. But he knew he had to do it. He took the envelope into his hands and took out a handful of photographs.

They were photographs of him as a child with mostly his mother. But three of the pictures caught his attention the most. A picture of a young man with dark skin, short black hair and plump pink lips smiling at the camera revealing his perfect white smile. He examined the photograph carefully, examining each facial feature one by one. From the eyes to the nose to the tip of his chin. And then he looked at the back of the photo to see what was written at the back because his mother always wrote things on the back of photos to help them remember when it happened.

Thurs. 11th July 1991, Jonghyun smiling like always after a day at the park with his loving girl

That man was Jongin's father. That man was his mother's first love. That man helped her mom make him. That man was brutally beaten to death for being innocent. That man was dead.

He took another photo into his hand. This one was with a man holding a small baby in his hands while in one of those hospital robes. He once again looked at the back of the photo and read what it said.

Fri. 14th January 1994, Jonghyun holding our little son Jongin after Jongin was just born. My two baby boys, my angels.

Jongin turned to look at the picture at picture once again. He looked the photo over and over again, letting silent tears fall down his chocolate cheeks. He was amazed about how caring the man looked in the picture. How proud he was while holding his son. He was his and only his and his mothers. Then Jongin finally took the last photo and looked at it. This one was the most touching. It was a picture of him, his mother and father, smiling at the small child. Smiling at him.

Mon. 12th September 1994, Jonghyun, Jongin & I smiling together. Being a happy family after a talking a walk together. I love my boys. They are my happiness.

Jongin looked at his mother's smile in that picture. It was full of joy, full of happiness, totally different from her smile now. Her smile now was filled with worry, sadness and hurt. She missed him and he knew it. After all Jonghyun was the man she loved for 4 years who was taken from her one night, leaving her with a small child. By herself and her only self.